Putting the "Relation" in Relational Morality

I had two older sisters when I was born. The oldest is gone now, and has been for some time. I remember her growing up, when she was beautiful and bright. And I remember her toward the end, when things were different. Death begins looking for us the moment we are born, but sometimes we help it along. In her case, the help she offered was drugs. They didn't kill her. They just put her on a long, painful, downward slide. But that's not the point...

I also had an older brother. Maybe I still do. I haven't been able to find him in years. I remember him growing up. I remember that he was strong and confident. I was a weak, timid sort, bookish, often overweight, prone to being bullied. I remember my brother standing up for me when no one else would, or could. And I remember he had his faults. Perhaps chief among those faults was his stubbornness, a flaw that cost him two marriages and more than my heart can bear to name. But that's not the point...

And there's me, as flawed as my siblings in my own ways. Perhaps more. If I had the time and inclination, and the memory (it fades a bit these days), I could fill chapters and volumes with my sins, blunders, errors, missteps. By God's grace, I haven't incurred the type of costs my siblings have, but that doesn't mean that I won't pull a world class life-blooper tomorrow. If I do, I'll trust in God's grace, my faith in Him, and the support of my family, friends, and church. But that isn't the point...

So what is the point?

I was involved in a discussion recently on the subject of gay marriage with a group online. My major concern was not so much with the idea of gay marriage per se', but of the rights being lost to others to advance gay marriage. Regardless of that, the opposing viewpoint group seemed determined to believe that my views on rights was not the issue, but my views on gays.One woman in particular made a very heart-felt plea. Her son was gay apparently, and she was certain that if I had a gay child or family member, my attitude would change. I would understand. It would become clear to me.

So to that woman, and to everyone else, I say: I do understand. If I had a son or daughter, brother or sister, friend or relative, I would love them, and cherish them, and bless them and care for them. I would do for them everything that I would for a straight son or daughter or relative, because love is not constrained by such things. But neither does love change what is right and what is wrong.

The reason that God gave direction for the conduct of sex and marriage was not for His benefit, but for ours. His instruction is to promote happiness and health, and prevent harm. When we accept and encourage those we love to participate in sinful behavior in the name of "loving" them, we both dishonor God and harm those we love. And when we support a society that threatens people wish to stand by their faith, when we actively discourage them, then we hasten a society where suffering increases.

I have two daughters right now. If either of them are gay, they haven't mentioned it to me, but that isn't the point either. A gay lifestyle isn't any more or less of a sin than any other sin. So my daughters have their sins, and I have mine. I love them. They love me. But when I see them doing something wrong, I call them on it. They do the same for me. And that's what God does for us, because a love that leaves us on a path to suffering and destruction is no love at all.

Mat 5:18-19 "For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven."