I read a recent post describing some recent policy changes at a retirement home in England. The subject was a style manual that was being used to guide the staff on how to address the residents. Apparently, "elderly" is now on the ever growing list of words that should not be used. The approved booklet lists the preferred term as "older people." There were a host of others. The booklet was 31 pages long.
Considering the government relationship with health care in England, neither the changes nor the fact that someone thought it was worth a 31-page booklet is particularly surprising. Positions for bureaucrats grow, and are filled, quite readily in a well-funded organization like the British National Health Service, far more readily than positions for people who actually care for patients. And with the increase in officials, there is the steady pressure to issue new laws, rules, and guidelines, to justify those positions. I still have to wonder about the mentalities that thought this type of project worth the time and expense of producing a style manual of this size.
I would never want to minimize the idea of courtesy and respect to the elderly, or older people for that matter, but in what particular frame of reality is this type of change supposed to make a difference? I have to assume that any patient or client capable telling the difference between the two is already aware of their age relative to society. Regardless of the intention, I don't think that this clever ruse is actually putting anything over on the grandparents, nor do I suspect that they will find their standard of living improved by this type of change. The only logic I can seem to find in it is the shrinking of an already diminished language by declaring another word "out of bounds" for no good reason. That's hardly a new occurrence. At the rate we have been going the last few decades, I imagine there will come a time when the list of banned words outnumbers the ones that approved for use.
As with older people, I am also big fan of addressing other people respectfully. I sincerely try to do so. I find that it seems to make them feel good, if only a little, and that makes me feel good. It costs nothing, except a bit more time on occasion. Few things in life bring so great a reward with so little output. I simply cannot accept, however, that the precise form that courtesy has to take is so important that it justifies the time, effort, and expense of promulgating lists of words and phrases that may or may not be used. I always thought that type of training was covered along the same lines as washing before meals and potty training.
I also despise the impact on both liberty and societal relationships that such lists have had. While I fully support the right of any employer to maintain a standard for on the job behavior, I also feel that such standards to should be kept to the minimum to keep communications as clear and open as possible. This is especially true in government positions, where small policies have a habit of spreading into large programs with far reaching consequences. I am completely horrified that some words have been pretty much crossed out of the language as unacceptable regardless of circumstances, that property and lives can be completely disrupted by passing remark.
Some words are ugly. No doubt about it. They have ugly meanings based on ugly histories. They are used to convey ugly feelings. That's part of the human condition. We can't escape our failings of the past with the stroke of a pan, or a deletion in a file. The history, all of the incidents that inspired such words to begin with, remain. It puzzles me, really. There are times when I think that some people believe that if we can just get rid of the words that are used to make people feel angry or weak or afraid or uncomfortable, that those feelings will go away with the words, that all we need for harmonious living is a properly adjusted dictionary.
Whether people believe that or not, there are enough who act as though they do, going after everything from words, to books, to flags. To stars and crosses, too. Like government regulations, the list of things that make people uncomfortable enough to attack keeps growing as well.
I still remember coming home as a child and complaining to my parents about the teasing and insults I got at school. Some was spite. Some I deserved, no doubt. Most of it was kids being kids. I'd like to think that most of us have grown out of it. The advice I received from my parents was pretty much the same advice that I have given to my own children: Toughen up. There will always be someone, somewhere that gets their entertainment from tormenting others. If it doesn't work on you, they will move on.
It was hard advice to take. I got my feelings hurt a lot growing up. And then I didn't. That's the payoff that makes all the pain worthwhile. Sooner or later, you have the ability to go where you will without worry of an unkind word, whether ugly or racial or sexist, or any new description likely to be invented. With the right attitude, and a knowledge that your worth comes from God, then you will know that ugly words are still just words. They have no power over you that you do not give them.
Words will never hurt me. That's what I was taught growing up. I find that sometimes that isn't the case. A harsh word from a loved wound can still wound. When you give your love, that's giving a power over you on a whole new level. That's how it should be. Where we are going now, where have been going for years, is giving the easiest to offend power over all. I hope we can change direction soon. Frankly, I can't think of a more frightening place to end up.
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